Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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