My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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