Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
