Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
