its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
