drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize