this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
