so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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