I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
