Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
