You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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