This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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