It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize