WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
