If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
