U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
