wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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