I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
