so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
