I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
