drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
