did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
