We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
