So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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