totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
