My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
