Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
