someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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