you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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