I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
