Heybabeimwearingurpanties
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
