Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
