I think i peed on brittanys purse
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
