I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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