My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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