Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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