im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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