Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Let's get the cat blown out
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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