yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
