I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
