i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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