How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
