i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
