found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
