6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
