But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
