Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
