It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
