Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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