I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
