Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
