When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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