If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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