you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
