I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
