Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
