So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We are all done wearing pants today
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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