win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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