Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
