We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
