I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
