I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
