I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sext me about skeletons
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
