Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
