i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
