I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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