onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
