dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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