i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
