Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
