I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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