She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
