My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
