Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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