how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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