Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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