What did we do last night that was yellow?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
