your room smells of hookers.
And success
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize