dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
