I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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