I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
