why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
