I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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