I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize