Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
