It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
