You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
