just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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