I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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