Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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