The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
