actually, I'm a sock model
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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