I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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